| One big, happy, multicultural, multiracial, multifaith...Family |
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| News |
| Written by Carol Pomeday |
| Friday, 06 March 2009 20:20 |
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We don’t let anything compromise bonding. They feel safe when they’re together. They move together like schools of fish. ![]() Photo by Sam Arendt Alan and Dayln Derzon planned to travel around the world when Mr. Derzon retired. Instead, they have adopted or are guardians for 10 children, ages 4 to 17, of various cultural, ethnic and religious backgrounds. That’s in addition to Mrs. Derzon’s two daughters, Trista and Marissa, who live in Milwaukee, and two grandchildren, ages 3 and 18 months. Six of their children came to the United States through international adoptions that didn’t work out. Four are from Russia, one is from Romania and one from India. The other four are African-American sisters who were abused or neglected in Wisconsin foster homes. All had emotional problems that caused them to lash out at almost everyone or withdraw within themselves, putting up barriers that said, “Keep out.” Instead, their parents have helped them mend with structure, consistent discipline and love, albeit tough love at times. “I’m not a huggy-love mother,” Mrs. Derzon said. “I think that’s an asset when adopting older children because they know when it’s not real. I wait for them to come to me.” Sydahna, 16, came from India. Dayna, 12, is from Romania. Oleeyah, 11, Sopheyah, 11, Aleksey, 8, and Poppy Fay, 4, are all from Russia. Sisters Tiyah, 17, and Tatyanna, 14, who are African-American, were raised in separate foster homes. The Derzons learned there was another sister Robyn, 13, and she also joined the family. Mr. Derzon, an attorney, was a bachelor who drove sports cars and traveled around the world to witness total eclipses of the sun before he met his wife. Now, he drives a white, 15-passenger van nicknamed Moby Dick. “I’m living the best life possible,” he said. The family’s journey started seven years ago when Mrs. Derzon’s sister dropped Bryce off at their doorstep, saying she couldn’t handle her 5-year-old son any more. Bryce, who is now 14, is of African-American and Norwegian descent and lashed out at everyone when he arrived at their home, Mrs. Derzon said. “I was afraid of him,” she said. “Look at him now. He’s president of his class, polite and respectful.” Bryce, who seems easy-going and usually has a big smile, said he remembers when he couldn’t control his anger. “I don’t why. It just happened,” he said. “Now that I’m older, I know the cause and effect. If I do this, this will happen. It’s improved a lot. I don’t get angry as much any more.” When Bryce arrived, Mrs. Derzon told her husband it’s easier to raise two children than one. The next day an adoption brochure arrived in the mail and Mr. Derzon commented, “I always wanted a daughter.” They inquired about a girl, who turned out to be Tatyanna, which eventually led to three daughters. Tatyanna said she was eager to leave her foster home, which was in a rough neighborhood with gang activity at one of the end of the street. Her foster parents wanted to adopt her sister Robyn, but not Tatyanna. She said if they even looked toward the gang activity her foster father “whopped’ them. They weren’t allowed out of the yard and had few playmates. She liked the Derzons from the start. “They seemed like the family we should have and they would take care of us and they were fun,” she said. Robyn, who described the foster home as “terrible,” said she followed her sister and would do whatever she told her to do. They are happy to be part of the eclectic group, but as more children joined the family, they sometimes questioned their parents’ wisdom. “When we first heard they were going to adopt more children, we were excited,” Tatyanna said. “The first one was Oleeyah. Then they got Aleksey, and I wasn’t excited about it. Then Poppy Faye and Dayna and I thought, ‘That’s way too many kids.’ Then Daniel came for a week, but I knew it wouldn’t be a week.” Tatyanna said she felt she wasn’t getting enough of her parents’ time or enough time alone. She found that talking to her sister Tiyah helped. Tiyah was in another foster home and also adopted by the Derzons. The sisters saw each other occasionally when a social worker arranged visits. Bryce, who enjoys the big family, commented, “They just kept coming and coming and coming. We were curious when they would stop. I don’t know if they have stopped.” Each child has his or her own personality. Bryce and Robyn enjoying acting and have appeared in community theater and school productions with their father. Bryce was Joseph in the middle-school production of “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.” Tatyanna loves being on the dance team so much that basketball, which used to be her first love, has been relegated to second choice. She is also on the volleyball and soccer teams and plays the violin in band. In addition to acting, Robyn is on the forensics team and in choir. She and Bryce will sing in solo and ensemble regional competition. Oleeyah sings in the sixth grade choir. She was bounced around seven foster homes after her adoptive parents, who went to Romania to adopt her, gave up on her. She met the Derzon family at a July 4 parade in Cedarburg and asked if she could live with them. They couldn’t refuse. While reputable foreign adoption agencies prepare parents and offer support throughout the adoption process, some are just interested in the money and do little to prepare the children or parents. Often, the children come from poor orphanages where they receive little attention. “Because of the severe neglect and behavioral problems, the adoptions don’t go well,” Mrs. Derzon said. “The parents try to Americanize them and believe they are doing what’s best for the children, but that’s not how they see it. They feel they have been kidnapped and taken away from their families in the orphanage. “The parents are saying, ‘I love you,’ and hugging and touching them and they just want to be left alone. It doesn’t take long before the bubble bursts and the parents seek a magic pill. They told everyone about their dream, and they’re embarrassed their dream hasn’t come true. They become isolated. Some move away, some go to another school.” The children the Derzons adopted were all given up by their adoptive parents, who paid anywhere from $10,000 to $50,000 to adoption agencies and lawyers. “A lot of people aren’t prepared,” Mr. Derzon said. “They get these glossy magazines and see all the beautiful children and testimonials. Whenever you have big money, you have problems. “Sometimes, they’re offered two children for $50,000. With that kind of money, someone will rubber stamp to make the deal. The parents think, ‘We’re going to adopt this child from a Russian orphanage and save him.’ But that’s not how the child feels.” When parents adopt through the State of Wisconsin, they must attend classes on trauma and rejection before children are placed in their homes. They are foster parents for a year before the adoption becomes final. That’s if the parents surrender their rights. If not, the adoption may never be finalized and the child will remain in foster care. Children who are raised in the sparse surroundings of an orphanage or poor home are often overwhelmed when they go to their new home filled with colorful toys and bright lights.
Similarly, an elementary school classroom can also be overwhelming with its wealth of activities, sights and sounds, and children pulling on their sleeves to play with them.
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